Rachel Getting Even
by signnamehere
Summary: "Yes, Noah. It's a box full of table napkins…with writings on them," Rachel said, not at all pleased with her boyfriend's answer, "Specifically, girls' names and their phone numbers."


Rachel Getting Even

Puck is a dude. Puck is a badass mofo is what he is. He is not whipped. He is not whipped that much. And he does not cower in fear when he hears Rachel in that tone of voice.

"What are these?" Rachel asked, holding up a shoebox.

_Fucking hell._ Noah is going to go to hell.

Puck was slaving away in front of the kitchen stove when he heard her call him from his bedroom. Taking two steps at a time on the stairs, he found his closet door wide open and her sitting in the middle of his bed. If he wasn't getting ready to defend himself, he would've found the idea of her in his bed appealing. But given the circumstances he found himself in, he'd rather read a book than deal with this shit.

"Uh…" Puck said carefully, choosing his words. "That's a shoebox full of table napkins."

Puck knew that he was treading a very dangerous path. He was going to hell, a hell where Rachel Berry will never be naked on his bed ever again. _So much for cooking her dinner tonight._

"Yes, Noah. It's a box full of table napkins…with writings on them," Rachel said, not at all pleased with her boyfriend's answer, "Specifically, girls' names and their phone numbers."

Puck winced. He is in deep shit.

"And some of these look new!" Rachel exclaimed, looking through the dozens and dozens _and dozens_ of table napkins.

"No they're not! How would you even know that, babe?"

"Because! Women's intuition, _babe._" She countered back, no longer holding back her indignation. How dare he keep women's phone numbers behind her back!

"Well you're women's intuition is shitty. It's whack!"

The conversation is put to rest for now. For the time being, they both attempt to stare each other down. Puck gives her his scary face, the one he always uses on Jacob Ben-Israel whenever he stares at Rachel just a second too much, but to no avail Rachel doesn't budge. Rachel's eyebrows are knit together they're almost a unibrow. He would've found it cute if it were done on different circumstances.

Puck always thought Rachel's best features were her eyes. Her legs were slamming, yes, but her eyes were his favorite if he absolutely had to choose from all her perfect little body parts. Because they're so goddamn expressive. It's never been a difficult task for Puck to guess when she's angry or she's sad. One look at her and Puck knows when to bring out the chuckles to cheer her up.

Her eyes now are text book angry. But a second later it snaps into something else. It's not really sad, and it's not really angry. It looks kind of scared too.

Rachel sighs deeply and finally speaks.

"Noah Elijah Puckerman, are you cheating on me?" Her voice wavers and he's anticipating the waterworks any second now.

"Baby…no," Puck started as he walked over to Rachel's spot on his bed and reaches for her, "I would never cheat on you."

"What makes you so sure of that?" Rachel pushes him away weakly but not before he plants a kiss on her cheek.

"Because I know you'd fucking cut off my balls if I do that, and I like my balls. And you gotta admit you like m balls, too." He teased, reaching out to her again. She pulls away again but her lips turn up slightly. That gives him enough encouragement.

"And, I can barely keep up with you. Just one of you fills up an entire month's quota of girls," he added to which he earned a glare. "Baby, we're always shacked up in our bedrooms, how the hell will I find the time to chase some tail if I'm too busy making you all sexed up and shit?"

"Noah, be serious…" she said softly, her lower lip jutting out without her knowing it.

"Babe, I am serious," he said as he pulls her to face him. Taking notice of her pout he takes the plunge and sneaks a kiss from her. She sighs.

Just when he thinks he's finally put an end to the conversation, she speaks up again.

"Then why are these _things_," she says in disgust as she holds a particular napkin with a "Roxy" on it between her fingers and dropping it carelessly into the box, "still here?"

"Better at the back of my closet beyond my reach than under my bed, babe." Noah said tiredly. "I like keeping them, deal with it."

"Ugh! Noah, throw these away!" she demanded, chucking the box towards him and sliding out of his bed. She began pacing around his room, opening drawers and closets and looking under the bed.

Nope, the fight is definitely not over.

"Berry, what the fuck are you doing? Get off my floor." Puck got up and walked to where Rachel lay face down. Gripping her elbows he pulled up and got her back on her feet.

"I don't like sharing!" she yelled with a huff. She crossed her arms and moved a step back to distance herself away from him.

"You are not sharing anything to anyone!" he yelled back. "Goddamit, woman!"

Now it's Puck's turn to pace around the room with a frustrated look on his face. Something about his face tells Rachel that she's just crossed the line and decides to keep quiet. She watches him mutter to himself as he paced the room, hearing curse words every now and then. He steals glances at her as he does this and after a few minutes of pacing around his room he stops and releases a resigned sigh.

"What the fuck do you want me to say, Berry? I tell you I'm faithful but you don't believe me. I show you I'm faithful and you don't believe me either! When will you get it in your head that I don't want anyone else? I'm _yours._" Puck says, his hand rubbing the back of his head. With that, Puck knew Rachel is pretty much melting like a popsicle on a hot summer day. _Thank you, Moses._

"Then why won't you throw away these stupid napkins?" she asks softly as she approaches him and winds her arms around his waist. Noah takes a few seconds to think of the best possible way to explain to her his reasons.

"Look, baby it's hard to explain. I'm a guy. You're crazy."

"Really, Noah? Do you really want us to keep fighting?" Rachel cocked her eyebrow and folded her arms over her chest.

"Baby, I'm a guy, okay? And guys like to think that we have our options," he saw her eyes widen in surprise, "even if they're in a committed relationship with one very beautiful girl named Rachel Berry."

"Options?" Rachel whispered, tears welling in her eyes. "You have options? Plural."

Damn, must he see every emotion in her eyes? He feels like the biggest asshole ever.

"Baby, that's not what I meant."

"Yes, it is."

"No it's not. Everyone wants to feel like they can still attract somebody even if they're taken." Puck explain, "thus the phone numbers."

"So you're flirting. That's all you're doing?" Rachel looks at him in disbelief.

"Yes, babe."

"You're saying that it's perfectly acceptable to flirt," Rachel frowns, "even though you're in a serious relationship."

"Well…yeah. For me it is." Puck answers. "Are we okay now, babe? Because I'd really like to kiss you now."

Puck waits for the bomb to drop. Rachel looks like she's staring off into space until a smile creeps to her face.

"Okay." Puck sighs in relief.

"We're still up for the party tomorrow night?" Puck asks, finally confident that he can put his arms around her without fear of losing his extremities.

"Yes, Noah, we'll still be attending Finn's party," she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly, "let's go eat."

Puck thinks he's badass of all badasses. Nobody gets into that kind of trouble and gets out alive, and with a possibility of making out! Rachel thinks he's just about to get what's coming to him.

Puck parks his truck in front of his girlfriend's house at exactly 8:00 pm. Feeling all kinds of good about himself (he's the only guy he knows who gets to keep his stash of phone numbers and get away with it), he pushes his door open and walks swiftly to Rachel's front porch. Knowing her parents are away for the weekend and easily locating the key to front door (she trusts him, he is SO the man), he lets himself in and climbs up the stairs to her bedroom. Giving her a heads up, he yells a "honey, I'm home" and hears her yell a "hold on, Noah! I'm just changing." After writing a "have sex with Noah" on a random day on her organizer, which lay open on her desk, he sits on her bed and waits.

"Need a hand, babe?" he asks. Even with a door in between them Rachel can imagine the look in his eyes when he says that.

"No, thank you. I need to put on my clothes, not take them off as you are so used to doing." Rachel hears him bark out a laugh which could be from part amusement and part…yeah.

"I'm done! Get ready!" she chirped as she opened her bathroom door and planted herself in front of him swaying her hips, "What do you think?"

Her inquiry is met by silence. It takes him a full 10 seconds to take in her appearance. He clears his throat and answers with as much conviction as he could muster.

"I think we should skip the goddamn party. I think we should just stay here in your nice comfortable bedroom." Puck said, his eyes never leaving her. His eyes skimmed the long blue thin-strapped top that reached her upper thigh and a pair of denim shorts that were so short they were practically hidden underneath her shirt. A thick black belt is fastened just under her chest, making her boobs look bigger. _Perfect!_ Moving his eyes lower he takes in her impossibly long legs to find on her feet those little black ballet flats she loved to wear. She didn't look like all the girls with their skin tight outfits or shirts with holes in them, but she looked way better. She looked like Rachel, sexy with a hint of youthful innocence.

"Seriously, I'm perfectly content with just you and me and this soundproof room." Noah said after an audible gulp. Where did all his confidence go?

She giggles and reaches for her bag, "Noah, you promised Finn." She reaches for his hand and pulls him off her bed, "and besides, we have plenty of time for _that_ later."

Puck walks away from the house with his girl in his arm thinking that somebody up there _loves _him. He promises to go to temple for a month.

The party is in full swing by the time they arrive. They enter the front door and see the jocks, the cheerleaders, some floaters and the glee kids.

"Hey! You made it!" Finn bellows through the music, as he hands them both a plastic cup full of beer. "You guys go ahead; I gotta get more shit for this thing. By the looks of it, this is going to last all night."

Puck leads Rachel into the crowd and finds Mike, Matt and the rest of glee huddled up in a circle by the couch. Both jocks give an appreciative whistle as they see Rachel approaching.

"Now _that_ is a sight to see!" Mike greeted her cheerfully, grabbing Rachel's hand and twirling her around, "Hey, Puck."

Puck's brows furrow at his friend's distracted greeting as he continued to watch his girl being twirled around and passed to Matt for the big finishing dip. Rachel laughs the whole time and hugs both guys after.

"Mike, you have to teach me how to pop and lock next time," Rachel says she hugs him. Puck notes that the hug was sustained a few seconds too long, and that Mike's hand was wandering a little too much towards the nether regions. No way in hell is he going to let that go down.

"Yo, Mike. Move your spaghetti arms away from my woman." Puck snipped with furrowed brows. Rachel spins back in shock at her boyfriend's words. She has never heard Puck speak like that before, at least not to her face. Jealousy? She barely bit back her smile and acted surprised over his volatile behavior. On the other hand, Mike's eyes widen and throw his hand up to show defeat. "Take a chill pill, dude. She was just being nice."

"I know she's nice. She's mine, too. Right, Mike?" he pulls Rachel back and slings his arm around her shoulders to stress the point further, not taking his eyes off his friend.

"Noah, relax." Rachel whispered when she saw his jaws clenched, "we were just having a little fun." Rachel runs her hand on his stomach in little circles to soothe his rising temper. "It's a party, baby. Let's enjoy the night, okay?"

Puck sighs and presses his lips on her forehead, "okay, babe. I'm sorry." He meets Mike's eyes, "Sorry, man. Just needed to release… shit."

"I get it. I like what she's wearing too." Mike laughed, lightly punched Puck's arm and disapperead to avoid suffering the wrath of the Puckerone.

"What was that supposed to mean?" Rachel asks. Puck is bewildered by her reaction. How can she not know how amazing she looked?

"It's nothing, babe. Mike is just being an ass."

"Okay. I'll just get something to drink." Rachel said, learning up and tiptoes to give Puck a kiss, "I love you."

"Love you, too." He murmured softly for only her to hear and watched her walk away. He may be in love but he didn't have to look like a pussy while doing it.

The party would've been great, if only Puck were enjoying it as much as Rachel was, apparently. What guy wouldn't be pissed if he saw his girlfriend being encircled by half of the football team like a pack of wolves? And who wouldn't be seething with rage if said girlfriend looked like she was enjoying every bit of testosterone-filled attention? Well, shit.

He's had it with this bullshit. He practically flies up to the group and breaks up the circle.

"Baby?" he says extra loudly, making sure everyone acknowledges the fact that Rachel Berry was his girlfriend. "Can I talk to you for a little bit?"

Rachel smiles and takes his arm, "Sure, Noah." They pace up the stairs and into a spare bedroom, it was impossible to even form a coherent thought with all the noise downstairs.

"Is there something wrong, Noah?" Rachel asks nonchalantly, leaning back on the door.

"What's wrong is that every guy in that little circle of yours is probably going to be getting a wet dream starring you tonight." Puck mutters.

Rachel shakes her head, eyes wide. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Berry. The guys were practically about to jump you if I didn't break it up."

"No they weren't," Rachel assured him, "I was just talking to those guys. I had a little trouble operating the keg and then one of your football team mates came up to me to help me pour our drinks. And then…"

"Stop, babe. I already know the dirty things that they were thinking when you were giggling and being all cute," Puck waves off her story and adds darkly, "because I'm thinking the exact same thing."

"Babe…" Rachel pushed herself away from the door and into his awaiting arms, a small smile plastered on her face, "I was only flirting…I thought you said it was okay for us to do that…"

With that statement, Puck's brain whirred into overdrive and everything clicked in place. He didn't know whether he should be furious or damn proud that his girl set this up to get a little revenge on him and his shoebox of phone numbers. His brain says that the former and he drags Rachel out of the bedroom, downstairs and away from the party, not without her barking out her complaints, of course.

"Noah, what are you doing?" she pants. His long, hurried strides were hard to keep up with.

"_We_," he emphasized and pulled her to Finn's front lawn, "are going to burn a stupid shoebox full of table napkins. Never do that again."

Rachel giggles and jumps on Puck's back, locking her arms and legs around his neck and waist. Puck grunts in surprise but enjoys the spontaneous show of affection (don't tell anyone that).

"I love you," Rachel buries her face into his neck and giggles as she rides piggy back all the way back to Puck's truck.

"Yeah, yeah, crazy woman. I love you, too."


End file.
